Thursday, December 07, 2006
finally back! have a great deal of fun today with the 2~ haha its a pity that our numbers are still not right!!
its kinda a special day for me i guess, at least i turn 18 now. its like for the first time, i really love my days in poly esp. this few months. for the first time in these months, i did not have to worry what i say, i do not need to act as thought i am smiling still, i need not frown nor show anything. i just purely have fun. no one reminded me of the stress that i felt when i saw them, no one reminded me of the pain i felt and the loneliness, and i need not feel the hatred too. how i wish these will be the days of the reminding time i have in this life time.
it's just that when i am with them, i dun need to worry what i said or what. when u are smiling and yet not happy, you know that they are willing to listen to your complains.
and i know they have given me a present that no money can buy; their time. i need no physical present to remind me of the times. what i need is just a mental break from all the stress that has been accumulating since long before time. and for just a short period of time, i found it and enjoyed it.
.dark is my life.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
sometimes i wonder when one says that one hope things could remain same and yet actions that speaks a total different language, can i still believe it? no i guess.
stress finally creeps into me and yet no one realize that i am really down especially those who i used to call friends. cant they see i am no longer smiling carefree and i am getting irritated easily? no i guess. well in fact i don't really bother that much anymore. cos why should i? how long should i just put a mask for them why should i sacrifice just for a bunch of what i would call strangers?
for me, even if they leave this hell living world, i guess my eyes will be dry without a single sight of moist.
in the beginning i took what initiative i can, so when i stop well, just for a couple of days they bother. soon, do i know them? oh well, at least i know there are people out there who i can lean on and cry.
will they even know that there are times where tears nearly fall? do they know the pain i felt? do they know i am tired mentally? for them fun is what they care. so good bye strangers. get out of my sight, even if i pass by and saw you, don't expect much.
.dark is my life.
