Saturday, January 27, 2007
Well I guess someone really wake me up yesterday by telling me that everyone thinks that I am neglecting archery because of anime related stuff. At that point of time I thought, “I don’t believe it, of all people you guys who knows me better tells me that?!” so it was kind of like a “smack in the face” and I kind of wonder what am I doing?
My heart actually did kind of stop at that particular moment, and tears were forming already. Just when I quarrel with my mum this kind of stuff just have to happen. Oh well, can’t blame anything nor anyone.
So thoughts after thoughts ran through my head like a movie, frame by frame I found answers that has always been with me. So smack another thought into myself to keep me going and believing in what I want.
It just that different people have different dreams they will sacrifice to make their dreams come true. At least I am one of those? In between my own dream and an interest of mine, I will definitely sacrifice that interest of mine. Well, not forgetting that in my current situation I also can’t do much sports stuff. I can’t even stand up straight for long, my back just hurts. Don’t know how long I can hold on to also.
So now one thought that holds my dream and my soul together, it doesn’t matter if they don’t understand why am I doing all this, it only matters that I know what I am doing and what I am aiming for. When time comes, I will definitely give up archery so that it doesn’t obstacle my dream of being an animator or a comic artist.
.dark is my life.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
.dark is my life.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
finally back! have a great deal of fun today with the 2~ haha its a pity that our numbers are still not right!!
its kinda a special day for me i guess, at least i turn 18 now. its like for the first time, i really love my days in poly esp. this few months. for the first time in these months, i did not have to worry what i say, i do not need to act as thought i am smiling still, i need not frown nor show anything. i just purely have fun. no one reminded me of the stress that i felt when i saw them, no one reminded me of the pain i felt and the loneliness, and i need not feel the hatred too. how i wish these will be the days of the reminding time i have in this life time.
it's just that when i am with them, i dun need to worry what i said or what. when u are smiling and yet not happy, you know that they are willing to listen to your complains.
and i know they have given me a present that no money can buy; their time. i need no physical present to remind me of the times. what i need is just a mental break from all the stress that has been accumulating since long before time. and for just a short period of time, i found it and enjoyed it.
.dark is my life.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
sometimes i wonder when one says that one hope things could remain same and yet actions that speaks a total different language, can i still believe it? no i guess.
stress finally creeps into me and yet no one realize that i am really down especially those who i used to call friends. cant they see i am no longer smiling carefree and i am getting irritated easily? no i guess. well in fact i don't really bother that much anymore. cos why should i? how long should i just put a mask for them why should i sacrifice just for a bunch of what i would call strangers?
for me, even if they leave this hell living world, i guess my eyes will be dry without a single sight of moist.
in the beginning i took what initiative i can, so when i stop well, just for a couple of days they bother. soon, do i know them? oh well, at least i know there are people out there who i can lean on and cry.
will they even know that there are times where tears nearly fall? do they know the pain i felt? do they know i am tired mentally? for them fun is what they care. so good bye strangers. get out of my sight, even if i pass by and saw you, don't expect much.
.dark is my life.
Day 1 of Archery Camp
Its 1.13am in the morning already. So not going to have a 'long winded' entry. Nearly everyone are already aslept except a few of us.. playing dota.. doing blog. oh ya.. pardon my color scheme.. its temporary. and for the blog entries, as they are previous enteries i don't feel like changing it.. too lazy. =D
have quite a fun day today... but abit torturing for me... i hate jogging... LoL. dun have that much stamina for that....... -_-' prefer to swim.. (water hamster)
Well, today or yesterday was papa's birthday. hehe. they bought flour and water and pour all over papa. and... eh... oh well... some of us ganna too. mama also ganna.. haha.
ok la.. gotta have enough energy for tmr's activities..... it will be a tiring day too i guess... workshops and shooting! so signing off~
.dark is my life.
sometimes i wonder, why is she like that.. a question with an answer that i do not want to touch. yes i find her freaking stubbon, but one thing she doesn't understand, the meaning of failure. i will not do an item that i have no confidence of it and even making the template will cause me time and pain. it isn't a matter of having the template so that the design could be drawn easily. its not. even having it, the shirt is NOT a paper that you could simply trace on it. its a piece of fabric that doesnt have a stable surface. it 'moves'.
from what i see, you are just one who wants everything to go your way. we didnt even say anything about not doing it. we was merely exploring the ideas of whether it could be done in time and yet you were the one who is giving the verdict and yet blaming it on us. your attitude is something that i have been tolerating too. i knew from the start that people do change, but changing for the better is the best isn't what people say. no one voices out anything, its just that no one wanted to hurt your feelings.
i don't know if to say that we have journey something more then you have or that you are simply unable to accept facts. i saw lots of up and downs, success and failure and i have experience it all. having a face that practically only have laughter doesn't mean that i don't have sorrow. i have tons of problems to deal with, the only time where i could have peace is when i'm truly sleeping. and when have i even slept with a simle?
ever tried before being backstabbed by your own best friend? even befriend with one that constently betray you? you might say yes. but at least you have a friend that has been with you since long time and stayed by your side i believe. but for me i could only take in everything with no one to share. this is my past. which i nearly discard when you bring all of them back. and yet i couldn't say i hate you.
.dark is my life.
Well, after some time I have finally decided on an update. hehe i changed my wallie too! Kuchiki Byakuya from Bleach!! lol
yesterday when to Kbox with angel and ah zhou.. lol. funny! after like 2 or 3 hours no strength to sing liao.. haha... but have fun then.
after that we met up with the 2 faggots and dory~ when to get our drinks and when over to the riverside and drink! umm... nearly.. oh well.. haha.. not going to say out.. those who were there should know esp ah zhou and angel! =P
ok la... too hungry to think.. i need food first... tata
.dark is my life.
